What driving a car taught me about Life.
Since I can remember, I have always wanted to drive. I was always enamoured by vehicles — cars, mostly. How they sprung to life with a simple turn of a key and how they sped ahead with the press of a lever. The very concept of controlling a machine, running on four wheels, at a much faster pace than you could walk or run, and being able to do that with just your bare hands and feet, was such an out-of-body experience. I have never gotten over it, even now.
I’d always be envious of adults who were ‘allowed’ to drive these machines. My tiny brain has also been guilty of imagining these adults to suddenly fall sick, forcing me to drive their vehicles to save their lives. (Sorry).
One of the earliest cars I can remember being inside of is the Fiat Premier Padmini. (with the PAL logo on the front grille and a deluxe logo on the boot). It was a 1089cc petrol-engine-powered cutie pie of a car. Our stable also boasted of a Hindustan Motors Ambassador Mark 4, a bigger monster — powered by a 1500cc petrol engine that could pull a fully loaded truck if it wanted to. (Yes that’s an exaggeration).
Together, they looked a lot like a middle-aged couple. Strong, beautiful and in the prime of their lives.
We sold the Ambassador eventually, because no one drove these cars at home for some reason. The adults at home preferred to only use the smaller one (the FIAT), when the whole family went to church on Sundays. As mundane as it sounded to me, they seemed to enjoy the simplicity of public transport or an automatic two wheeler (the Kinetic Honda shall be covered in another blog). Probably because of the sheer dexterity the manual transmission on the Fiat commanded.
When I was about ten or twelve years old, my grandfather finally acquiesced to my persistent (and irritating) requests to let me drive the Fiat. He obliged by only agreeing to let me start the car, engage the manual transmission, drive the car a few metres forward, and a few metres in reverse. The mini version of me was over the moon.
Putting the key in the ignition, turning the engine on, hearing the engine shudder into life, shifting into first gear, letting go off the clutch, seeing the car inch forward, pressing the brakes, stopping the car. Wow. And then, repeating the entire procedure to go in reverse. Wow again. What a meditative process. Such bliss.
As life has progressed, I’ve had the opportunity of driving different cars, across different environments. Have had some great drives, going across India and America, in varied machines and even more varied company. I’ve had the pleasure of enjoying each and every one of these experiences in each of the different cars I’ve been lucky enough to drive.
Over time, I have realised that cars and driving them, in general, have taught me a lot about life that I have not really appreciated enough. So here are some of the top lessons I’ve learned about life, through my two decades of driving cars. (No, I am not that old, I just started early).
#1- Who are we | Mind, Body and Soul
If you look closely at how one drives a car, it can very well become a metaphor for how one lives life. The car resembles the external characteristics of an individual — The body, the personality and everything else that makes up one’s presence. Its movement, reactions, and progress during a drive are akin to how one would progress in the journey of life.
The person inside the car can be compared to one’s soul, mind or ‘being’. The person controls the steering, speed and all other functions that affect the journey. If the car (human being) is well maintained, and the person inside (let’s say, the mind) has sound judgment, the overall drive can be fun and enjoyable.
If the car is left to rot, not taken care of and not adequately serviced, slowly and steadily, issues will start to crop up. The engine can stall, the brakes can fail, the tyres can skid or worse, the entire machine may start to disintegrate. Similarly if the person inside is unwell, sleepy or not focused on the drive, an accident is inevitable.
Taking care of one’s car on the outside (or one’s body, demeanour & personality) and the driver on the inside (mind, brain, & soul) are the cornerstones of living a fruitful, and loving life.
#2a — Obstacles on our Path | Roads
While driving, we come across all sorts of terrains. We could be cruising on flat, cemented and polished roads, without a care in the world — loving every moment of a Sunday morning drive. Suddenly, out of the blue, a random pothole jerks you out of your dream-like state, and throws you into an angry diatribe against the municipality, the government and even your pet dog (who’d woken you up early, on a Sunday morning, in the first place).
Roads can be straight or curvy, potholed or smooth, full of bumps or fast lanes. All of this is extrinsic in nature. There’s not a lot one can do about them but one can certainly modify one’s driving style to ensure that any kinds of stretches are covered in the most optimal manner possible.
Similarly, in life, we go through a myriad of experiences. We have great times, sad times, loving friends and not-so-loving enemies. We go through some amazing encounters and also face lots of obstacles. Rather than being overly concerned about what life is going to hit us with next, it is imperative that we keep working on our driving abilities or life skills — learn, grow and become better at ‘driving’ or ‘living’ so that when that next pothole comes in front of us, we are adept enough to slow down, swerve and smoothly move on.
#2b — Obstacles on our Path | Traffic
Traffic is another form of obstacle. While we don’t have much control over traffic on roads, we can start to predict some bit of it, and avoid it. For instance, we know it’ll be rush hour between 8am and 11am on any given weekday. Can we leave for work earlier and avoid spending time stuck bumper to bumper with others like us? Or, could we find a place closer to our office to avoid commuting too much altogether? (Yes, this is not always possible but it is worth trying).
Similarly, in life, there are easier ways of getting things done (mostly). By making small sacrifices in one part of life, we can avoid traffic in other parts of life. For instance, by waking up early for that morning jog, we might avoid some hospital visits later in life? Or, if we could control that sudden outburst when someone irritates us, could that small change in behaviour prevent a long & drawn out argument in the near future?
I agree, sometimes you just get stuck in traffic even after all your checks and balances. Could be a diversion, an accident or some random glitch in a traffic light, for instance. In such cases, the best thing to do is, tune into yourself — listen to a podcast, call family or friends, and just spend time meditating.
Similarly, many a time, inspite of your best intentions, things might not go as planned. There might be circumstances beyond your control that create a roadblock in your plans. Life can feel monotonous, and you might not know where you’re headed. It is okay to be in traffic at times. One should try and enjoy that time one gets to be with oneself — chill out for a bit, dream a bit and refresh a bit. Traffic is good, helps with perspective and makes us appreciate the open stretches a whole lot more.
#3a— Pillions and Passengers | Responsibility
I drive a bit rapidly. No, not fast. Rapidly. I like to be quick, from point A to point B. But I try to do so in an intelligent (and smooth) manner — looking ahead, knowing where there are gaps in traffic, speeding up a little at times to overtake slow moving vehicles, but never driving ‘fast’ or rashly.
But I started realising that a lot of people are not comfortable with me behind the wheel of a car. I understood this slowly and steadily. (As do many other drivers). Once this realisation dawned on me, I’ve become much more careful when someone’s with me in a car. I accelerate slower, turn even more smoothly and brake well in time and very lightly. All in all, I try my best to make the experience safer and create as little anxiety for the passenger(s) as possible.
We all have pillions and passengers in our life too. Co-passengers depend on us to live well, take care of ourselves and be there for them. Family, friends, colleagues at work, dependents, subordinates, so on and so forth. With great power, comes great responsibility. (The Peter Parker Principle). We can never be too mindful or too thoughtful. It takes work, it takes concentration and it takes focus, to be a good driver and a good ‘Family Man’.
Take care of your passengers, folks. And take care of yourself.
#3b — Pillions and Passengers | Trust
Corollary- Without sounding too dramatic, pillions (and co-passengers) actually hand over complete control of their lives to whoever is driving the vehicle. They have such an unstated yet strong belief in the abilities of a driver. Any one who’s ever driven a car, knows that the attention and focus that goes into driving are immense. So many things can go wrong, intrinsically and extrinsically.
Many a time we trust complete strangers, and are, in effect, handing over our lives to them — We are letting go, believing in our karma, our ‘destiny’ and ‘God’ or the ‘Universal Energy’. Most common example — Pilots. Or bus drivers.
What stops us from doing that in life?
We become such control freaks, trying to influence situations, events, people and even, animals at times. What if we just let go and ‘flow’ more? Try it, see how it feels. :)
#4– Perspectives and Perceptions | Let go
It is a common sight in India when you’re driving along a road, you’d suddenly find some dude parked right in the middle of the road, talking to another dude parked on the middle of the road in the opposite side. Both of them seem to have found that very moment, when you were in a hurry, to catch up on life and friendship.
Then there are situations where you’d find folks randomly deciding to cross the road without looking or turn without signalling or break traffic rules just to save those one or two minutes off of their commute time. Really irritating scenarios, all of them.
What does one do?
For the most part of my formative years I used to get really angry, and honk like a madman at such people. I would stay angry long after I’d passed them, spewing venomous insults, just getting worked up inside my own car. (Yes, I do understand the futility of it all, now).
One fine day, I thought to myself — Random people on the road who do things that seem completely stupid and uncalled for, are not doing it out of any spite towards me. They don’t even know me. It is not at all personal. And that was it. All my anger melted away. I looked at them lovingly, appreciating their unawareness and in some cases, just politely telling them that they need to address their stupidity. One can actually see realisation dawn on their faces, and most of them apologize too. Yes, there are a few who are too ‘rowdy’ to acknowledge your advise. The best thing to do is, let go off your own ego, pass them and continue with your drive, towards your destination, unfazed.
The same logic applies to life. Many people, even those who know us, may, at times, act in a certain manner or say certain things that do not go well with us. Let go. It’s futile to add the burden of our own perceptions to someone else’s behaviour. Everyone is already going through so much, they normally are not always acting, they are reacting and those reactions are a result of many subjective factors. Most extreme reactions are not at all linked to that one trigger. Hence, no point dwelling over what others may be ‘thinking’ or ‘doing’. It absolutely does not even matter what someone thinks, says or does. (Unless obviously it is someone close to you who asked you to help them with their thoughts, words and actions).
Our own reactions and the effect (or the lack thereof) of extrinsic factors on our demeanour are all that matter. Perceptions and perspectives can make or break relationships.
Well, in summary, for me, driving is one of the most amazing experiences in life. It ignites the child inside me, and creates a sort of gleeful happiness that not many other things invoke. Driving has also taught me a lot more than the points shared above. It is meditative and restorative in nature. A good drive can fix a lot of issues and help me think clearly. Can’t wait for my next India road trip soon! :)
Here are the lessons again —
#1 — Take care of your body, mind and soul. Drive well.
#2a — All roads are nice, as long as we know how to manoeuvre with dexterity.
#2b — Traffic is an opportunity to grow
#3a— Be thoughtful about co-passengers and take care of them.
#3b — Trust other beings, and let go at times. Enjoy the lack of responsibility.
#4 —Perspectives Matter. Try not to judge everyone with your own meter of life.
All in all, enjoy the drive of life. Vroom Vroom.
(Up next? Bike Rides)