The Daily Growth Blog #9/365 | Why are people nice?
Well, I know many of us think about this quite a bit and have very different reasons why we might or might not be nice in certain situations. But, there are some people who are inherently nice. Like they were born with the innate qualities of hospitality, kindness and benevolence. The rest of us have to work a bit harder to bring out our ‘niceness’. Especially when we are speaking to people we don’t want to spend two minutes of our daily schedule with.
Why am I thinking about ‘niceness’ all of a sudden? Because I’m in Kerala right now (God’s own country as they say) and Kerala has some pretty nice and thoughtful human beings around us. If we created a niceness or thoughtfulness index, I’m pretty sure Kerala would feature in the top 3 states of India. (At least).
The other state I am truly mesmerised by is Jammu & Kashmir. The people there are so loving, humble and thoughtful, most of us would feel a sense of security by just being amidst them. Unfortunate that one of the the most beautiful places on the planet is also one of the most misused places on the planet, simply because of human greed and politics. Coming back to the people — They’re so nice, I couldn’t get enough of their happy-go-lucky nature, camaraderie, the way they make someone else feel part of their own families. Simply amazing.
What is niceness?
The core being of a nice person is full of love and kindness. They’d rather feel inconvenienced themselves than let someone else feel any kind of pain. Nice people can be identified through their behaviour. Right from their smile (the most genuine smiles we’ll ever see) to the way they interact and the feeling of free-ness they exude from their very soul. They’re just very comfortable in who they are, and mostly content with how life is progressing.
I’m not saying nice people are not ambitious. There are many nice people I know who are really successful in their career journeys, enjoy their work and are progressing rapidly. They just have a different perspective of it all. As in, they wouldn’t mind if someone else moved ahead of them in a given moment, because they somehow know, deep inside, that within the larger good of mankind lies their individual good too. Hence, they’ll never come across as ‘aggressive’ or ‘competitive’. Mostly because they’re not any of those things and also because they like to take others along with them.
I think nice people are not playing a zero sum game, they’re playing an infinite game, and only with themselves. They don’t see competition in any one around them. There is no comparison or one-upmanship. They’re enjoying life and being true to their own soul.
Nice people also transcend boundaries, careers and geographies. The nicest human being I know is a waiter in an old guest house of my mom’s office. Someone I met when I was 20 years old I believe. He was serving us food but he made it a point to ask us about our day, how we’d planned our day in Bangalore (one of the first few times we’d been to that city) and he’d also check in on us when we didn’t come to eat at times. He was just genuinely nice.
Unfortunately though, being a nice person is looked down upon in certain settings. In the office environment for instance, if we see a nice person, helping others out, being who he/she is, we’d start making judgments of why someone is behaving in that manner — what could they be trying to achieve, what are they hiding etc. etc. So weird that we put our own perspectives to someone who’s nice and try to berate their image so we feel better about ourselves. Typical.
There’s a new cool nice attitude out in the world too. People who are inherently nice but have such a hard exterior for the regular world, no one would think they’re nice inside. Even their closest friends, partners, parents or family would never be able to understand who they truly are inside. Because they’ll enjoy making fun of others, being a real pain in the neck for individuals who ask for it and they would be known as someone with whom people should not ideally mess around. But for many people they’d be the nicest soul they’ve ever seen.
What creates this split personality? Just their defense mechanism, I think. They’re just trying to be another level of ‘nice’ by ensuring that the world around them does not attribute goodness only to them. Something similar to how Batman is. Nice dude, fighting for the greater good but the people of his city, Gotham, always looked at him as someone weird and untrustworthy. They were never sure of what to make of this vigilante who would beat up the bad guys but would also not really come forth as a ‘hero’.
I respect such nice personalities who do not show off their niceness. I look up to them. They’re rockstars.
P.S. I know, the flow of the blog wasn’t as smooth. I’m terribly drowsy today hence the discourse on being ‘nice’. My guard is down.
Cheers!