The Daily Growth Blog #5/365 | A test in Mindfulness
I am one of the most obnoxious and irritating human beings my near & dear ones know. No, I am not kidding. The kind of mood swings I go through, random decisions I take and irritable behavioural traits I have, it is a wonder I have a family and two friends.
For instance, at the age of 24, I got angry with my (future) mother-in-law for calling me on my birthday. I said it was supposed to be MY birthday and I’d not like to talk to people today and just be left alone. Just imagine! What a prick I was.
Anyway, I’ve improved in the last 8 years (that’s why I still have a family) but there’s a long way to go. And I do realise that.
Now, I try to err on the side of human-caution whenever I’m faced with situations, but I do falter at times. But the reactions, when I falter, are changing now. Earlier, I would snap and get back at someone who may have said or done something that I didn’t like. Now I just go quiet and don’t react immediately. I take time and ‘respond’.
Which is a good thing, I believe.
Earlier this year, I took a break from my corporate profession (consulting & sales in the technology domain), and all the haste that comes with it. I decided to slow down and reflect a bit. Lots of reasons for deciding to take this break but one of the primary ones was to allow my head to relax (head=mind, brain and everything in between) and realign on certain goals for my personal development & growth.
And no, I do not mean learning new skills for my professional growth only. Yes, I did all that as well, but when I am referring to personal development and growth, I am talking about the growth of the soul. Becoming a better ‘being’.
One of the core things I’d decided to work on was ‘mindfulness’.
Because of work, professional and personal commitments, I had become a chronic multi-tasker. I did amazingly well at work because of this. I was able to switch between tasks, manage varied issues calmly, guide colleagues and take care of business in four geographies and multiple platforms + products together (in my own small capacity) but it had taken a toll on how I approached life, in general.
Hence, the slowing down had to focus a lot on mindfulness. Mindfulness, for me, is primarily about a keen focus on the task at hand, completing that task and then moving on to the next one.
For instance, earlier, when I’d write a blog, I would write a paragraph and then spend 15–20mins jumping tabs, trying to complete another 3 things as I wrote this. As a result, spending a week trying to finish one simple article. Today I am focused on writing this blog, don’t have any other tabs open and am quietly thinking about thoughts related to writing well. That’s unimaginable progress for a person like me.
So what have I done (and continue to do)? Well, a few things actually. Here they are —
#1 — Headspace
Andy Puddicombe and his team have worked really hard at building Headspace (the app) into what it is. I love it. Their Netflix special on ‘Mindfulness’ is also worth a watch. There’s just so much one can achieve by just spending a few minutes of one’s day practicing mindfulness. I’m pretty bad at meditating so I have to follow guided meditations on the Headspace app. I have started doing 10-minute meditations now (up from 5-minutes a few months ago). Slow, very slow progress but progress, nonetheless.
Also, meditating is not just about sitting still, being thought-free. It is also about accepting thoughts, allowing our mind to have those thoughts and just being able to allow the flow of thoughts in our mind without getting attached to them. Profound.
#2 — Short To-Dos
I decided not to have more than 10 tasks at any given point in time on my immediate to-do list. I use a simple notebook and pen for this. But like Matt D’Avella explains in so many of his YouTube videos and email newsletters, there needs to be a structure in place. I also read about this in the world’s most famous book on productivity, ‘Getting things done’ by David Allen- the practice of storing away mid-term and long-term tasks or goals, so that they don’t gnaw at the back of our minds. And I couldn’t believe how much they did affect us.
For instance, suddenly, in the middle of a job interview, I might start thinking about that new Triumph Street Triple R that I need to test ride when I am back in Bangalore after my Diwali trips. I mean, why mind, why? Then I wrote it down on my long term to-do. Lo and behold, I don’t think about it (as much as I used to) now.
I use Notion for maintaining a vision board, career progression chart, career blue print, mind maps and my long term + mid-term to-do lists. Really helps clear the mind and not have it think too much about items not even in the near-future radar.
#3 — Worry notes
One of my mentors/mentees told me about this amazing technique of managing our internal worries and fears. Write them out somewhere, and plan for 15–20mins of the day when you’d come to the list and look at the fears one by one, worry about them as much as possible for those 15–20mins and then let go till next day. So basically, you’re telling your mind that I have kept aside this time for us to worry about random nonsense together. Don’t bother me during other times of the day and let me focus.
On my worry list I have all sorts of stupid and mundane things — ‘What will happen if I hit someone’s car or what will happen if the cops pull me over for something or when will I get a job or will I ever be successful in life’ etc. etc. It’s so much fun to set aside time on my calendar to come to these things ‘mindfully’. Makes a REAL difference to my well-being.
#4 — Podcasts, not music.
I became a fan of podcasts last year when I started listening to the Nike Training Podcasts, Super Soul by Oprah Winfrey, Think Fast by Matt Abrahams and a couple of others in the space of mental wellbeing, fitness and mindfulness. They’re a really good substitute to music when you’re driving or at the gym or on a walk. Podcasts also help you focus better. They are meditative, in a way, because you’re focusing on someone’s voice, trying to understand the point they’re making, without thinking about anything else. And you learn something amazing in the process.
Sheer bliss.
#5-Time blocks and limits
I like to set time-limits for tasks so that when I sit down to do something I know I have to complete it within the decided time. This switches on a part of my brain that regulates my competitive nature, I believe. It all comes together then. And many a time I might go over the self-imposed time limit but then it is because the task demanded that extra time and not because I started scrolling through Instagram or watching ‘Idiots in Cars’ videos on YouTube.
This works well for smaller tasks and longer to-do-list tasks as well.
For example, in one of the interview processes they’d sent me a case book to solve and gave me time till the weekend to get back with my presentation. I made a mental note to respond by noon on Friday and have a free weekend. It worked! Yes I submitted the response by 3pm on Friday but that’s because I enjoyed the task so much, I wanted to spend a little more time structuring a couple of components better. I’m the past I would have procrastinated till Sunday morning and then done a haphazard job of it while supporting other family commitments and made a complete mess of my schedule.
So yes, self imposed time limits really help stay on track!
All in all, this quest to achieve a better mind, than the one I go to sleep with the night earlier, is making me a better person every single day. I can feel the change and am happy with it. Some day I’d have even reached the level where I can call myself a normal human being, I hope.
Till then, I’ll mindfully accept my flaws, try to replace random reactions with silence and anger or sadness with thoughts about my exciting future.
Cheers!