The Daily Growth Blog #25/365 | The 7 things I don’t like about myself
Remember the movie, ‘Jab We Met’ and how the protagonist, Geet (played by my favourite, Kareena Kapoor) says this very famous line, ‘Main apni favourite hoon’ (I am my favourite). I loved the line and I loved becoming my favourite over time.
This did not come easy to a constantly bullied, low confident, thin-as-a-stick, inferiority-complexes-filled teen who hated every inch of himself, inside and outside. No, he was not a very happy or content teen. But he did well to come out of whatever hole he had made for himself through his own actions, and build a new ‘Vineet’ that is not too bad.
Most importantly, this Vineet is certainly my most favourite human being. I love me more than I love anything or anyone else on this planet. And why am I shouting this basic fact out, into the medium-verse? Because it hasn’t been easy and it has taken a lot of time to build from scratch. But I’m glad I started the journey and I’m glad I continue to live this journey of building the best ‘me’.
The best part about building the best ‘me’ is that there will never be an end to it. I’ll continue to grow, continue to have newer goals and continue to create a newer & more updated version of myself. The process can be as slow or as fast as I want it to be. I remember some versions that have stayed the same for years and some that have not lasted a few months. I don’t completely connect with my Jan 2021 version so I’m pretty sure my OS has been updated at least once this year. Interestingly, I can already spot chinks in the armour of my most recently updated version (the current me). But I think this version will last 2021 at least.
I was thinking about some minor updates that I’d still like to get done and I made a list of the 7 things I really want to fix in my current version. Here they are:
1. My inability to learn the piano further
As long as I can remember, I have been able to play the piano. It has come naturally to me and I can play most songs after a couple of tries. But I’ve always wanted to become a better piano player — Learn how to read music, play some of the masterpieces of Beethoven and Mozart, use the black keys (the sharps & flats) and be a much better player, overall. I’ve started several YouTube (and even a Coursera) lessons but never really got around to learning this professionally.
That’s something I’d like to do because the piano has been my friend ever since I was a kid. I could play for hours on end, and I’d like to think it is a form of meditation for me. I do get lost in the music and don’t think about a lot when I’m playing.
2. My need to be over-nice to everyone
I know being nice is important and it is important to be nice (aren’t they the same thing). But I tend to overdo it a bit. Be super nice to individuals who ask me for a little help or if I feel I’m in a slightly tough spot. I hate being at loggerheads with anyone in my immediate circle. I’d rather have more acquaintances or a good network than have any so-called enemies.
This weird need to be nice leads me to act and talk in a certain way with people. It also leads me to being overbearing on some people and then I try to pull back when they’ve become too attached to me. Ah the pain.
3. My need to be the ‘hero’
I love being there for anyone and everyone. It’s so irritating. This started during my MBA I think because I really started working on problem-solving and understanding the nuances of consulting & strategy during my management education.
This, unfortunately, spilled over onto my personal life as well. I started thinking of myself as a master problem solver. As soon as I saw a problem I had to fix it. Yes, it helped in some cases. In others, it just created too many additional problems for me. I started trying to be the go-to guy in my workplace and tried to be there for everyone. In the process I lost myself and became a very weird version of me.
4. My nervous laughter
Okay this is more of a quirk than an area of improvement but I don’t get it. Sometimes just to reduce a bit of the awkwardness in a situation I’m in, I will use this nervous laughter as an ice breaker of sorts. Doesn’t help. I just feel weird.
I think this is a quirk for many other people as well because I’ve heard it from others too. Might need a collective focus to get to the bottom of this.
5. My fear of heavier weights at the gym
I don’t really know how this started but after a point I stopped lifting heavier than I had already reached. When I first started fitness and working out, my trainer told me that the way to get stronger was to keep lifting heavier. I enjoyed the process and loved becoming stronger week after week, month after month. But after a point in time, maybe because of random breaks to my workout routine, including the long & drawn out lockdown in 2020, I stopped lifting ‘heavier’ weights. I was never a fan of records and never compared myself to others but this lack of competition with myself, really impeded my fitness journey.
I got back to fitness through body weight training, guided by Cult.fit workouts but have still not got back to my previous fitness rhythm at the gym. I need to fix this.
6. My ‘phone’ addiction
While this is not a big problem, and I don’t use the phone a lot, but there are times when I am not feeling good about myself when I’d just whip out my phone and start scrolling any random social media app that I can find. I realised that I’d started doing this to distract my mind from an uncomfortable situation or trying to pass time without worrying about something that’s bothering me at that time.
I know it can become a big problem because I’ve seen older people around me get stuck on their phones for hours. And they’re mostly just scrolling through whatsapp forwards. With the kind of information we are engaged by, it could get way worse when we become old and have nothing else to do.
7. My over-commitment to everything & everyone around me
This is linked to #2 and #3 but I tend to say ‘Yes’ to too many people and make too many commitments. Especially when I’m visiting a city for a very short duration and want to meet family, a friend or two, and also visit my favourite hangout spots, I tend to over-commit. Beyond fun things, I also over-commit in some settings related to work.
I may end up helping a large number of people and in the process miss out on tasks linked to my own personal development. I remember 2019 being one such year where I was invested in my team, my company, other teams and fixing all the problems around me, I stopped giving time to myself completely.
Hence, working on saying ‘No’ and being okay with spending time doing nothing (or reading a book) are two things I have been working on day in and day out. I am quite happy with the progress, and how I’m saying ‘No’ a lot more now.
So there you have it, nothing major and nowhere close to the severity of things like the ‘Seven Deadly Sins’ but nevertheless important facets of life that I am trying to fix in myself. Excited to see what the next version looks like and excited to be a better ME.
Cheers!